The 5th non-annual 2014 Revolvies Hoop Awards for 2013
Good evening, and welcome BACK to the Revolvies, a totally biased awards show, based solely on the opinion of one unitard-loving woman. The Revolvies began in January, 2009 (for the hoop year 2008) as a way to spread some honor beyond the Hoopies. At that time, it was hard to compete in the Hoopies without 500 family members and a mailing list that stretched around the earth 46 times. In 2009, 2010 and 2011, the Revolvies provided comedy relief (elections can be funny), as the Hoopies instituted technological and human-o-logical changes to make voting more fair. But by that time, people already started to put “I won a Revolvie!” in their bio. So, here we are.
You may have noticed that the Revolvies did NOT happen in January, 2013 (for the hoop year 2012). That was NOT because Revolva was hella busy co-organizing the Oakland, CA branch of a global strike to end rape and domestic violence. It was also NOT because she was trying to retire her ball gown, podium and “wrap it up” music. It was simply because—the world ended in 2012. Duh.
If you haven’t seen past Revolvies pre-shows, check out:
* 2010 Revolvies Pre-Show
* 2011 Revolvies Pre-Show
THE 2014 REVOLVIES PRE-SHOW FOR 2013
After the world ended in 2012, Revolva hid in the wilderness. That’s where Brecken found her, to tell her that hooping has strayed too far from its dance beginnings. They must restore it to its former glory by reigning in some of the “power” (awards) from Bags, Nick Guzzardo, Tiana, Baxter, Shakti, and Gail O’Brien. When that doesn’t work, they discover the way to make things right: honoring those who deserve it by sharing the worst fashion trend ever. Enjoy the pre-show.
And now, on to the awards.
NOOPER OF THE YEAR
Some might call her a leading female hooper of the moment. Those “some” would only be focusing on her gender, though, and not what’s really important: her nose. Caterina has pioneered one of the most standout trends in the trajectory of modern hooping. Nose hooping. Oh, and she can pretty much do every hoop move ever invented and not yet invented. Here’s a video that summarizes her talent, including the aforementioned nooping at 1:05.
CHOOPER OF THE YEAR
Some might call him a leading male hooper of the moment. Those “some” would only be focusing on his gender, though, and not what’s really important: his chin. Matt Poretta seemingly came out of nowhere in the past year, totally wow-ing everyone from Electric Forest crowds to Hoop Camp audiences with his masterful moves. From lightning fast plane changes, flips and complex wedgies with one hoop—to four-hoop, off-body tech—Matt pretty much embodies “awesome.” No part of his body embodies it more than his chin. (But the Revolvies will include an all-around vid after the “chooping,” just for kicks.)
UNDERWATER HOOP VIDEO OF THE YEAR
I’m constantly surprised by the level of artistic details Spiral puts into her every movement, photograph and video. Her attention to the aesthetic qualities of everything she produces is absolutely stunning. This video, with filming by Orion Fredericks and editing by Spiral, is brilliant, graceful and inspiring—like its creator.
UNDERWATER KNOCKOFF VIDEO OF THE YEAR – REVOLVIES DEBUT
Kenna Hoops’ crotch, Sarah “Spiral” Stolar and Brecken
You know you’ve truly made it when other hoopers try to emulate your art. This video (a never-before seen release, given specially to the Revolvies) is a, um, gallant effort by several hoopers to accomplish their own underwater hooping. Brecken’s directing is inspired, and Sarah “Spiral” Stolar is graceful. I’m just not sure Kenna (Emma)’s “Crotch Extravaganza” workshop should really be done in a pool.
OVER 40 HOOPER OF THE YEAR
This year, top honors go to Richie Isaacs, a 46-year-old firecracker from New Plymouth, New Zealand. According to Richie, he has been hooping for just over three years and got into it, “Because my awesome hoop mum (and photography guru) Sandy Mason started.” After being forwarded SaFire’s “Love the process” video and some Baxter videos by his wise mother, Richie hopped in a hoop and soon “fell in love because of how it made me feel.” The Revolvies fell in love with the following video because of how it made us feel (read: like a diva Panda). Rock those splits, Richie!
UNDER 4 HOOPER OF THE YEAR
This three year old kid
On the other side of the spectrum, we have this diaper-clad hooper. No way. No WAY! I want one. (Only until he needs his diaper changed, though. Then, I’d like to give him back.)
BEST AND WORST GO PRO HOOP VIDEOS OF 2013
The first Go Pro hoop video was posted to YouTube June 5, 2011 by Nick Saik. From there, the trend inspired pro hooper videos, fire hoop videos, art hoop videos. In late 2012, unfortunately, all previous GoPro hoop videos became totally irrelevant when “Hula Fantastica” (a video of sexy women hooping at Burning Man) blew the world’s effing mind. To be fair, it was impossible for filmmaker Rob Vokel to film any male hoopers, hoopers outside of their 20s/30s, or hoopers who do not have conventionally smokin’ hot bods because hardly ANYONE hoops at Burning Man. (You tried your best, Rob!) GoPro hoop videos continued to entertain the world in 2013. Here are some of the best of times, and the worst of times:
MOST ALL-AROUND BEAUTIFUL GO PRO HOOP VIDEO
I have to admit that I’m slightly confused. I watched the entire GoPro hoop video several times, and I did not see one bikini. Strangely, the lovely April Stuart and her sunny forest and heart-swelling musical track still made feel extra alive, like the world was a more fantastic place than we realize. I watched a lot of videos for this category, and this one just made me a bit teary-eyed, in a good way. Blissful forest film, April. And nice elbow hooping and plane changes.
BEST BEACH GO PRO HOOP VIDEO
Soyela Shafer (by Josh Neilson, Tyler Fox)
Lest y’all think I have a problem with bikinis, rest assured, that’s totally not the case. I am the proud owner of a female body, and I allow it to wear whatever the hell it wants, on the regular. That said, I’ll tell you what makes an extra special bikini GoPro video: When the hooper is actually doing hella impressive hoop moves in a bikini! Hooper and yoga instructor Soyela Shafer is in Nicaragua, in a bridge, hooping on one foot. Drop dead gorgeous, Soyela. And I’m not even talking about the beach or the swimsuit. (If you’re interested in a retreat or course with Soyela, she can be found at email@example.com)
And here it is …
MOST PREDICTABLE GO PRO HOOP VIDEO
Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Hula Cam
I cannot express how much I LOVE the first 25 seconds of this video, where a flaccid hoop is lifted up and down the cheerleaders, complete with a phantom hand that the filmmaker randomly left in the shot. From there, we are treated to the cheerleaders holding the hoop while spinning in a circle. Then, at nearly a minute … they begin waist hooping. Other highlights include blowing kisses at the camera, running while holding the hoop (1:45), more phantom hand/flaccid hoop, and at the end, they are wearing their cheerleading uniforms. According to the description, this video was inspired by Hula Fantastica. You don’t say! (Could I please, please present this Revolvie to the phantom hand???)
YOUTUBE COMMENT OF THE YEAR:
“Tossing a round thing around”
Thankfully, YouTube commenter Bill Weihrouch publicly spoke up when Kenna (Emma), of Hooping Mad, tried to pull the wool over our eyes with her “One handed coin flip with twins.” If not for Bill, we would have taken Emma at her clearly explained, free words and assumed this was a tutorial on a bit of flair to inject into one’s hoop dance. Now, we can see it for what it really is: Tossing a round thing around.
Bill, you know you have authored a truly provocative comment when your words—not even the original video—becomes the focus of conversation from some of the top names in modern hoop dance, including Lisa Lottie. Discussion seems split between whether Emma is, in fact, a tosser, or whether Bill is missing some joy in his life. Anyway, Bill, if the latter is true—cheer up because you now own a Revolvie!
The Kanye West “Best video of all-time. Of ALL TIME!” Award
Etereas, by Flaminguettes, featuring Brecken & Tiana
This video, shot in Mexico City, by the Flaminguettes has basically nullified the need for anyone to ever make a hooping video, ever again. It’s THE BEST THING ANYONE HAS EVER SEEN. Better than Beyonce. “Etereas” already won: PEARL winnerfilm/Pool-festival, Berlin, Top ten in Cinema Perpetuum Mobile Film Festival, Official selection: ANIMA 2013, Argentina, Baixada Animada Brazil, Cut Out Fest, Mexico, Female in Film Industry, Mexico. AND NOW … it has also won a Revolvie. Congrats to directors: Daniela Villanueva and Mara Soler; dancers Brecken Rivara and Tiana Zoumer; production chief César Moheno Plá; Camera operator Pamela Albarran; Music director Julian Placencia; and animation team Daniela Villanueva, Mara Soler, Alejandro Caballero, Marco Garfias, Fernando Sica and Luis Núñez.
The Susan Luchi “How has she slipped through the awards?” Award
She now has a pair of hot pants, biscuits and a tampon (see Revolvies pre-show video). That is the least that Sharna deserves. If y’all didn’t realize, this woman has been hooping for 8 years, and she has been in her living room, consistently innovating and posting videos of some of the weirdest, coolest moves the whole damn time. Yet, she has never won a Hoopie. If Sharna ever needs a new pair of pants, a refill on biscuits, or a tampon (see Revolvies pre-show video), y’all better give her one. Here’s a Sharna tutorial and a recent bout of innovation inspired by the 30 Day Hoop Body Roll Variation Challenge.
HOOP HEALING PROGRAM OF THE YEAR
“Radiant You,” Hooping Harmony
Seated meditation is boring, it hurts my back, and I’d much rather spend time staring at Facebook while freaking out about life. Also, I often have no time to leave my house and go to a yoga class or to Bali. Fortunately, I met Ariana and Laura Marie from Hooping Harmony at Hoop Convergence 2008, and I’ve kept in touch with their projects. In 2013, they debuted a program called “Radiant You” that helps you shift self-defeating thoughts and channel your inner badass—through guided meditations that you can rock on your phone, in your living room—while hooping. I tried it this fall because during a particular crunch of life stresses (including losing a major writing client and a friend’s death), my thoughts were sliding into depression. I’m now in my third month of starting my mornings with 20 minutes of guided hoop meditation. It’s made a big difference. Dance IS my church, and if I’m going to clear my chakras and re-program my subconscious into a nicer place, doing it while hula hooping is the way to go. Radiant You gave my fall and winter (and abs and spirit) a total boost. I’m giving it a Revolvie. (Sorry, no video to go with “Radiant You,” so here’s a tutorial video of Laura Marie, whose voice is in the guided meditation.)
Hoop Performance Group of the Year
Breakers vs. Hoopers
Full disclosure. I did give myself “Extreme Hooper of the Year” in 2009, when I broke my foot jumping through a hula hoop. Otherwise, I don’t award Revolvies to Revolva. That said, I ran out of time to fill out a Hoopies nomination this year, and yet Breakers vs. Hoopers CONTAINS SOME OF THE BEST HOOPERS ON EARTH, ALL IN ONE GROUP, WITH BREAKDANCERS. Holy crap. Hoopers that performed in the 2013 troupe are: Tiana Zoumer, Ninja Hoops (Marria and Zach), Shredder, Caterina Suttin, Brecken, Antonio Gomez, Ryan Elwood, Jesi Ringofire, and … okay, me. We went up against the Bay Areas hottest street dancers, battle style. It’s been an honor to perform in this project, and I’m especially grateful that the troupe — including all the breakdancers — came out to perform in support of One Billion Rising Oakland (the strike to end rape/domestic violence that I mentioned co-organizing in the Revolvies intro). I didn’t do the Revolvies last year, because instead, we were doing this:
TUTORIAL OF THE YEAR
Hooping on your baby bump — Rebekah Riley Poland
“The prerequisite for this is that you have to be about 8-9 months pregnant. I’m sure there are many tutorials on how to make that happen.” Enough said. Rebekah Riley Poland does a tutorial on baby bump hooping, at 36 weeks pregnant, ending with some pregnant fire hooping. Revolvie time, mama!
WEIRDEST HOOP TREND OF THE YEAR
Noodle Hooping (80s Fitness Version)
WEIRDEST HOOP TREND OF THE YEAR
Noodle Hooping (Tiana Zoumer Version)
I’d certainly ride BART more often if THIS was happening regularly. Go, Tiana!
HOOP BLOGGER OF THE YEAR
Caroleeena, “Circles of Joy“
I am a writer when I’m not a Revolver. So I appreciate the ability to spin ideas into engaging words. Carolyn “Caroleeena” Mabry is one of the OGs of modern hooping, and she’s also a mind blowing poet and author, whose writing has contributed to the advancement and entertainment of hoopers. I actually consulted for this award with the only other blogger to whom I’ve ever awarded a Revolvie, Lara Eastburn. We agree: Circles of Joy deserves a fanny pack. Here’s Caroleeena doing some spoken word:
Hoop mascot: The rock hyrax
“Klipdassie Kaap De Goede Hoop”
In Afrikaans, apparently, “hope” is “hoop,” and “Klipdassie Kaap De Goede Hoop” is “Rock Hyrax Cape of Good Hope.” And that is how the rock hyrax came up in a search result for “hoop.” This startled creature deserves a Revolvie.
THE PERFECT ATTENDANCE AWARD
See Ying HoopSpirit
See Ying lives in London. She has not yet let the concept of “home” keep her from hooping all over the earth. Noticeably present at every major hoop gathering available, See Ying gets the 2013 perfect attendance award for going to the most conferences this past year, including: Manchester Hoop Congress, HoTS, Sacred Circularities Bali, Irish Hoop Convention, Hoop Convergence, UK Hoop Gathering, Spanish Hoop Holiday, Brighton Summer Flow Festival, Italian Hoop Connection, London HoopFest, German Hoop Convention, UK Hoop Gathering Summer Weekender – Weekend One, UKHG Summer Weekender – Weekend Two, Hoop Camp, SWhoop and Brighton Winter Flow Festival. According to See Ying, her favourite (I’m keeping the British spelling on that) hoop events last year were “Sacred Circularities Bali, Hoop Camp and SWhoop.”
AWKWARD HOOP PHOTO OF THE YEAR
Amy Hatfield (a.k.a. Hotfield)’s crotch
Look, anyone can take an attractive hoop photo. In fact, hooping is one of the most photogenic activities in the world. It’s almost impossible NOT to get an incredible shot of it, without T-rex arms, 8 double chins, closed eyes, or extreme movement blur. So the Revolvies would like to honor the rare, the elusive ULTIMATE AWKWARD SHOTS of hooping. Thank you so much to everyone who sent an awk photo to me, when Brecken and I put out a request. It was hard to choose, but this year’s top winner goes to Amy Hatfield, of March Fourth Marching Band, who was caught mid-roll by photographer thisisbossi. According to Amy, she was at first “mortified” to come across this pic on Flickr. Then she realized that she should “Own that sh*t!” We agree. Amy, please let your crotch know that it is now a Revolvie-award-winning crotch.
HOOP FASHION TREND OF THE YEAR
One day, the hoop world will grow tired of tight, shiny pants and perhaps go back to furry boots. That day has not yet come. Which is a good thing because to be honest, although leggings can sometimes reveal too much lady thong or man-junk, no one really looked good in pastel muppet fur boots. (I do have a leggings-filled Rock Store, by the way. Not because you could buy sparkly pants—UK translation “trousers”—to compensate for all the hours spent putting together a comedy hoop awards show. I just want you to look as sexy as this man harem.)
And last, but not least:
DOOPER OF THE YEAR
Ommmmmmmmmm my gosh. I can’t emphasize enough how hard I laughed when Rainbow Michael sent over the footage he filmed for the Revolvies “dooping” section. This is only a fraction. I’m just too tired to put together a proper montage. RM, thank you for being such a good sport, such a hilarious dude and such an expert at clubbin’ and ballin.’ Enjoy your Revolvie for Dooper of the Year. Ommmmmmmmmm!
Congratulations to all the Hoopies award winners, all the Revolvies award winners, and all the people who just got up today and hooped without even looking at the internet because—who cares? It’s fun, right? Whoo-hoo! It also feels good to be recognized for progress, though, so if you admire a hooper in 2014, give that person a FANNY PACK! <3Follow Revolva
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January 29, 2014 -
I made this all by myself!
January 29, 2014 -
I laughed so hard I peed myself. Where can I get one of those party packs?!